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All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

Last post 06-12-2009, 5:32 by jazzx. 209 replies.
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  •  11-07-2008, 18:37 3215595 in reply to 3215585

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    Another grateful passenger:

    The Adventures of Phil's Fart

    by Trashman

    Genre: Sci-fi Horror

    Duration: 3 minutes - released Wednesday 14th December 2005, 77 ratings, 4.75 star average

    BBFC rating: /PG\ - for puerile comedy

    **** stars

     I don't think I've ever seen a movie stink as bad as this one.

    The mother of all fart movies, well acted and with a G o o d [Good] progression to the story.

    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 18:43 3215603 in reply to 3215595

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    "The Wizard of Oz: Director's Cut" by Trashman has scored *** stars and won't be getting on the lifeboat.

    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 18:50 3215614 in reply to 3215603

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    Another survivor:

    Slick Johnson presents "How to Sell a Film"

    by Trashman

    Genre: Spoof advertisement

    Duration: 1.5 minutes - released 31st December 2005, 99 ratings, 4.64 star average

    BBFC rating: U - suitable for all

    **** stars

    I used all these shameless tactics, except openly not subliminally for "5 Stars (Music Video)".

    A G o o d [Good] little satire.


    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 19:03 3215633 in reply to 3215595

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    Another Trashman film has been rescued:

    Horse Wash

    by Trashman

    Genre: Western Comedy Horror

    Duration: 3 minutes - released Saturday 29th July 2006, 51 ratings, 4.9 star average

    BBFC rating: /PG\ - for scary scenes

    **** stars

    Bit of a one-joke comedy, but it's a superbly original idea. And the horsewash was well constructed. G o o d [Good] sound effects too!


    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 19:24 3215658 in reply to 3215633

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    "Time Warped!" by Trashman just got *** stars and won't be archived.

    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 19:37 3215678 in reply to 3215658

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    Now on the boat:

    FUnK YOU! (music video)

    by Trashman

    Genre: Indie Rock

    Duration: 4.5 minutes - released 23rd September 2006, 91 ratings, 4.77 star average

    BBFC rating: (12) - for implied bad language

    **** stars

    No mention of who made the music or lyrics for this song - but it's clearly someone involved in the project (due to the words).

    Strangely catchy in an 80s sort of way, the visuals were well timed to the music with some G o o d [Good] camera moves and backdrops.


    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 19:47 3215688 in reply to 3215678

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    "The Ten Commandments" by Trashman got * star for non-recognition of musicians used and will not be archived.

    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 20:02 3215696 in reply to 3215688

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    Another one looks to the heavens with thankfulness at being rescued:

    Praise the Lord!!

    by Trashman

    Genre: Religious Sex Comedy

    Duration: 3 minutes - released Friday 1st June 2007, 67 ratings, 4.75 star average

    BBFC rating: (15) - for audibly graphic sex scenes

    ***** stars

    Lol - the goat's orgasm was more convincing than Candy's!

    Only a couple of months after this came out, Ted Haggard was caught with his pants down. The man, leader of the New Life church and one of the most influential preachers in the whole of America who, on "Jesus Camp" had a go at gay people, was found to have paid a gay prostitute for sex while taking drugs at the same time.

    Kent Hovind - imprisoned for tax evasion.

    There are countless others.

    A G o o d [Good] film, very funny and well performed (and I don't mean just by the goat).


    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 20:15 3215702 in reply to 3215696

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    The final Trashman film has made it onto the boat:

    utarefsonN

    by Trashman

    Genre: Silent Gothic Horror

    Duration: 5 minutes - released Friday 13th July 2007, 109 ratings, 4.83 star average

    BBFC rating: (12) - for some gore

    **** stars

    The FX overlays sometimes didn't work - but this silent movie successfully told its story with some disturbing visuals.

    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 20:18 3215703 in reply to 3215702

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    Keep up the great work Jazz. I'm sure many will be thankful Smily [:)]

    cheers




  •  11-07-2008, 20:29 3215712 in reply to 3215703

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    sparky1512:
    Keep up the great work Jazz. I'm sure many will be thankful Smily [:)]

    cheers



    Thanks!

    "The Cluck Cluck Show" by corpsehereproductions has narrowly missed out with *** stars.

    But, I'll watch part 2 - and if it gets in, the first episode will be saved as belonging to the same family.

    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 20:46 3215730 in reply to 3215712

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    No luck for Clucky Cluck - the 2nd episode was worth only *** stars. So neither will have a seat on the lifeboat.

    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 20:57 3215741 in reply to 3215712

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

  •  11-07-2008, 21:09 3215755 in reply to 3215741

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

  •  11-07-2008, 21:23 3215766 in reply to 3215755

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    Jazz, I hope there is room on the lifeboat for some of my films?  (Cleopatra I and II and Rio Diablo and Pax Romana) But if not, I am prepared to go down with the ship like a gentleman.
  •  11-07-2008, 21:25 3215767 in reply to 3215741

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    thebiz:


    Ok  ...

    "Leprechaun's Bride" and "In The Garden Jinxxx Reminxxx" are already onboard.

    Here's the order I'll be reviewing the rest in:

    "Autoerotic Acid Asphyx"
    "Love in a Jealous Rage"
    "Tales of Truly Terrible Cinematography"
    "Intercourse at Ground Zero"

    then

    "2060" duo

    "Trials of Explosivo" - both parts are already archived.

    "Maintenance" and "Richard Corey" will be next

    "Gangster Nation" will be after that

    then

    "Blood Club"

     

    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 21:30 3215770 in reply to 3215755

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    dulci:


    "Driven" scored *** stars and won't be on the boat.

    "The Germantican" is a great film that's long since been archived.

    "Cry Wolf" will be the first of your choices to be considered.

    then "Innocence"

    then "Star Coconut Girl Saga"

    then "Project Sadako"

    then "Locked in a Box"

    and then "Lost Heaven"

    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 21:39 3215781 in reply to 3215766

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    TheMGMKid1A:
    Jazz, I hope there is room on the lifeboat for some of my films? But if not, I am prepared to go down with the ship like a gentleman.


    All episodes of "Cleopatra" have been archived.

    The only other 2 active films on TMO are "Pax Romana" which I will consider and "Rio Diablo" which scored *** stars, solely for music violations. Correct the description for that film by December 5th and I'll put it on the lifeboat, otherwise it's not getting on.



    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 21:46 3215785 in reply to 3215781

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    jazzx:
    TheMGMKid1A:
    Jazz, I hope there is room on the lifeboat for some of my films? But if not, I am prepared to go down with the ship like a gentleman.


    All episodes of "Cleopatra" have been archived.

    The only other 2 active films on TMO are "Pax Romana" which I will consider and "Rio Diablo" which scored *** stars, solely for music violations. Correct the description for that film by December 5th and I'll put it on the lifeboat, otherwise it's not getting on.


     

    Thanks Jazz, glad to know the Queen of the Nile won't sink. I made an adjustment on Rio Diablo which I hope is enough. if not. Here is hopping Rio can find a deck chair to hang on to.

    MGM


  •  11-07-2008, 21:48 3215787 in reply to 3215781

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    Mildheadwound's "Autoerotic Acid Asphyx" scored * star for non-recognition of musicians used and will not be on the boat.

    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 21:53 3215795 in reply to 3215785

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    TheMGMKid1A:

    jazzx:
    TheMGMKid1A:
    Jazz, I hope there is room on the lifeboat for some of my films? But if not, I am prepared to go down with the ship like a gentleman.


    All episodes of "Cleopatra" have been archived.

    The only other 2 active films on TMO are "Pax Romana" which I will consider and "Rio Diablo" which scored *** stars, solely for music violations. Correct the description for that film by December 5th and I'll put it on the lifeboat, otherwise it's not getting on.


    Thanks Jazz, glad to know the Queen of the Nile won't sink. I made an adjustment on Rio Diablo which I hope is enough. if not. Here is hopping Rio can find a deck chair to hang on to.

    MGM



    That "various artists on freeplay" crap would have got you a one-star dock.

    That means "Rio Diablo" is now worth **** stars and has scraped its way onto the lifeboat.

    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 22:05 3215811 in reply to 3215595

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    Mildheadwound's "Love in a Jealous Rage" scored * star and won't be saved.

    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 22:18 3215823 in reply to 3215595

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    "Tales of Truly Terrible Cinematography" by Mildheadwound scored * star for non-recognition of musicians and won't be going onto the lifeboat.

    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 22:22 3215830 in reply to 3215823

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    Lol - all of those mildheadwound films I don't already have got one star:

    "Intercourse at Ground Zero" will not be leaving the sinking ship.

    Click to visit JazzX Productions
  •  11-07-2008, 22:27 3215832 in reply to 3215830

    Re: All aboard the JazzX Lifeboat!

    Sigh..

    Never fear, thebiz search and rescue is here to save the day (and the movie to disk). 




    Teaser out now

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